Being sex positive means different things to different people. For some it simply means acknowledging that sex is a natural part of a healthy life. For others it means being open to learning about human sexuality and exploring different aspects of it. But I’d like to suggest a new meaning:
Being sex positive means consciously developing your sexuality to provide greater joy, intimacy, and pleasure for you and your lover(s).
Humans are sexual animals. We’re born with sexual organs. During puberty, the production of new hormones drive us to search for sexual contact. And as adults, sexual activity provides a multitude of pleasures and health benefits. And those benefits continue throughout our lives.
This means sexuality is intrinsic to human nature. So exploring, expressing, and enjoying sex are all natural. But it does not mean that everyone’s sexuality is the same. Nor does it mean anyone’s sexuality is fixed for life. Your sexuality begins with a biological process. But it doesn’t end there. Your dreams and desires, thoughts and fantasies, what turns you on, and what turns you off are all part of your sexuality. This means your sexuality can continue to evolve throughout your life. It also means you can – to some extent – consciously direct your sexual development, shaping your sexuality to enrich your life.
Self-Directed Sexual Development
Let’s make an analogy with musicianship. Musicians enjoy the process of developing greater skill. Each time they master a new song or skill, the accomplishment is provides great pleasure. It also gives the musician the confidence to tackle something more challenging. With each skill they master, they also discover a wider variety of music, more opportunities to explore and learn. More opportunities for personal growth. And the more they develop their knowledge and skill, the more they enjoy playing.
The same can be true of your sexuality. The more you learn about your sexuality, the more you discover opportunities for developing it. And the more you develop your sexuality, the more you can enrich your life with sexual pleasure and intimacy.
Your Multifaceted Sexuality
Human sexuality includes many different aspects, including:
- gender identity and orientation,
- sexual responsiveness,
- emotional connotations and intimacy.
Each of these aspects is itself multifaceted and provide many opportunities for self-directed growth.
Sexual Identity, Orientation and Expression
Gender identity and orientation are largely predetermined by biology. But for some people, it can be a challenge to understand and accept these two aspects of sexuality. In recent years scientists have come to regard both aspects as spectrums with a wide range of possibilities. But many sexual education programs continue to teach out-of-date binary systems, making many people believe they must be either male or female, either straight or gay.
When your body tells one thing and your education tells you something different, the conflict can cause confusion, anxiety, and sexual inhibitions. Hypnosis can help you resolve the mental conflict, giving you the ability to define your identity and orientation for yourself. Once you do this, you can be more positive and enthusiastic about sex. You can develop your sexuality in a manner that enriches your life.
Your libido fluctuates throughout your life, rising and falling in response to different situations. A new relationship can increase your desire for sex; stress and anxiety can reduce it. An erotic story can increase your interest in sex; an injury, illness, or lack of sleep can reduce it.
If your libido fails to bounce back after recovering from a stressful time, it’s often because you’re holding on to the frame of mind that enabled you to deal with the stress. With hypnosis you can train yourself recall your erotic state of mind with a word, a tone of voice, or a touch. You’ll then have the self control to rekindle your desire at will. Giving yourself this control is another way to be sex positive.
Sexual responsiveness includes where, when, how and with whom you allow yourself to become aroused. Do you only experience arousal in the bedroom, or can you experience it anywhere? Only at night, or any time ? Only with one person, or with many? And what activities turn you on? watching porn? light bondage? dominance and submission? What kind of touch or kiss increases your arousal?
Most people develop their responsiveness between puberty and their early twenties. But the development is often subconscious and chaotic. You notice that something has turned you on and think ‘that’s the way I’m built’. But responses aren’t built-in. You develop them by first noticing the arousal, associating it with the stimulus, then reinforcing it with repeated exposure. In this way, you subconsciously condition yourself to respond the way you expect to.
With hypnosis, you can engage in a more deliberate process of conditioning. You may override your early conditioning or expand it. You can decide how quickly and how intensely you are aroused. Retrain yourself to become aroused when, where and with whom you choose. You can train yourself respond to any touch or kiss with pleasure. Enjoy tease and denial games, or make fellatio and cunnilingus as satisfying as intercourse. And you can choose how you respond to lovers who are spontaneous and playful, sadistically cruel, or gentle and attentive. Enjoy vanilla sex or the many varieties of BDSM. Or simply train yourself to orgasm more easily.
The Emotional Aspects of Sex
The emotional aspects of sex are just as important as the physical. Every sexual act from flirting to intercourse carries emotional connotations. Flirting signifies attraction. Holding hands signifies affection. Kissing signifies desire. But beyond that, everyone constructs their own emotional interpretation of each sexual activity. For some people oral sex evokes delight, for others disgust, for others submission. Spanking, for some people, is playful fun, but for others a demonstration of authority.
You build your emotional interpretation of each act simultaneously with your responsiveness. And this process is likewise subconscious. But you can reframe, or reinterpret most sexual activities to have different emotional connotations. Kneeling, for example, can signify a desire for oral sex, or a willingness serve. You can even add sexual feelings to actions that most people would consider non-sexual. You can make standing at attention signify submission and a readiness to serve. Brushing your hair or donning a necklace can be made to evoke feelings of submission. And addressing your lover as “Master” or “Slave” can come to signifying affection, intimacy, and even security in the relationship.
Reframing sexual activities with your choice of emotional connotations gives you control of your sexuality. And hypnosis helps facilitate this process.
Hypnosis Facilitates Positive Sexual Growth
Hypnosis is the process by which we enter trance. And trance is the state of mind in which we build the strongest associations. Once in a trance, you create a mental image of yourself. You see yourself in your mind engaging in a chosen sexual activity. Then with the proper suggestions, you evoke the positive emotions you want to associate with that activity. Imagining the emotions and activity together builds new mental associations that infuse the activity with the desired emotional connotations. Repeating this process strengthens these connotations and builds positive anticipation towards the chosen activity.
This process also helps you build confidence in your ability to shape your own sexuality, which then builds a more positive attitude towards sex, relationships, and life in general. Outdoor sex can become more exciting. Offering oral sex can signify affection or submission. A pet name can fill you with feelings of erotic humiliation or emotional security. It’s your choice.
A Sex-Positive Life is An Artistic One
You can be both the artist and the art. Your mind is your canvas. Hypnosis is a tool like a draftman’s pencil or a painter’s brush. It allows you to redraw your mental image of yourself, which reshapes your sexuality. For some people this is easy. For others it’s a long, difficult process. But you can reshape your sexuality – be sex positive – to enrich your life with pleasure, joy, and intimacy.