Sexual inhibitions are generally defined as “conscious or subconscious constraints on sexual behavior”.1 Everyone has some sexual inhibitions. Some of these are perfectly normal. Like refusing to have sex in a moving car because you don’t want to die — perfectly normal. Some are quirky. Like not being comfortable with stuffed animals ‘watching’. But many people suffer from inhibitions for normal sexual activities like being naked in front of your lover, performing fellatio, receiving cunnilingus, or enjoying sex outdoors (yes, that’s normal).
Why Sexual Inhibitions Matter
Inhibitions don’t just prevent you from enjoying normal sexual activities. They interfere with your growth as a sexual being and create barriers to intimacy. As I wrote in Redefining Obscenity, humans are sexual beings. So understanding your sexuality is essential to understanding yourself. And exploring our sexuality is essential for our personal growth. In relationships we share our growth and understanding. Sharing enhances the pleasure of developing our sexuality. But when sexual inhibitions interfere with your personal growth, they also interfere with your lover’s pleasure, and your growth as a couple.
Some couples, especially those with good communication skills, may simply accept each other’s inhibitions. Others strive to help each other overcome their inhibitions. This helps you grow together as a couple. But some sexual inhibitions can seriously interfere with communication. And this can strain a relationship.
To overcome these inhibitions, professionals therapists recommend improving your self confidence and talking to your partner. This will certainly help, but neither really gets to the core of the problem: conflicting beliefs.
Redefining Sexual Inhibitions
To get to the core of the problem, we must first redefine sexual inhibitions in terms of conflicting beliefs.
Sexual inhibitions are the cognitive dissonance caused by contradictory beliefs about the acceptability or the enjoyability of a sexual activity or desire.
Cognitive dissonance is the mental discomfort you feel when two or more beliefs clash. Dissonance occurs when new evidence contradicts an existing belief. It can also occur when different social groups present conflicting ideas. Dissonance can be especially strong when the world tells you that relationships should be equal partnerships and your spouse suggests you’ll enjoy being more dominant or submissive.
This dissonance can be both physically uncomfortable and even stressful. When strong enough, it can also be mentally paralyzing (i.e., inhibiting). Which means it can prevent you from experiencing the positive anticipation essential for sexual desire. It can also prevent you from achieving of mental and physical synchronization you need for sexual satisfaction and orgasm.
This definition also excludes activities that are absolutely forbidden for health and safety reasons, and focuses on things that you both want and don’t want.
Hypnotherapy vs Erotic Hypnosis
Hypnosis helps us overcome both the cognitive dissonance and the resulting sexual inhibitions. In fact, that’s exactly what hypnotherapy strives for. Hypnotists guide their subjects into trance by building rapport, i.e., harmonious rhythmic or emotional communication. This helps the subject become more receptive to suggestion. But even with hypnosis it’s important to create an pleasurable experience because this pleasure forms the basis for positive anticipation and excitement for future experiences.
Even in trance, simple, direct commands like “you will enjoy this” can still clash with existing beliefs. Such a clash may amplify the cognitive dissonance and reinforce the inhibition. Suggestions like “see yourself as growing more confident and willing to try new things” are better. But these suggestions still need to be reinforced with positive experiences for you to truly overcome the inhibition.
Erotic hypnotists create positive sexual experiences. And through these experiences, you build positive emotional associations with the sexual desire or activity, which will replace the inhibitions.
Although few erotic hypnotists are licensed therapists, people often ask us to help them (or their spouse) overcome their sexual inhibitions. Each of us creates our own approach. Some focus on direct commands, others create elaborate fantasy scenes in the subject’s mind. My approach is to tell an entertaining story, embedding the hypnotic induction and suggestions with in the narrative.
How I Build Positive Anticipation and Excitement
In my recording, The Ultimate Kiss, I first suggest you focus on romantic kissing. As you become aware of all the positive feelings, such as feeling his desire reflecting you own and how this makes you feel sexually connected. Then I suggest you will experience these feelings even more strongly when you go down to perform fellatio. This builds positive anticipation. And then I guide you into imagining the experience of performing fellatio while continuing to feel sexually connected with your lover and in sync with their desires.
Intimate Kisses is designed to help women be more comfortable accepting cunnilingus. In this MP3, I guide you through the experience of attending a seminar with a renown expert on sexual health. This expert shows you evidence that cunnilingus is normal, healthy, and very enjoyable for both the giver and receiver. She explains how nature designed every part of a woman’s body to attract a lover, including the look and scent of your vagina. She also explains how cunnilingus can be both an expression of appreciation for your sexuality and a way of sharing desire and intimacy. I then guide you into an experience with your lover who demonstrates how all of this is true and how easy it is for you to enjoy it.
The combination of trance, rapport with the hypnotist and guided imagery all support the positive affirmations and suggestions for anticipating greater intimacy in every sexual activity. All of it together helps you overcome your sexual inhibitions.
Available Hypnosis Files
Hypnotic Dreams offers a variety of erotic hypnosis audio files to help you overcome your sexual inhibitions and improve your sexual health.