How to talk about Sexual Fantasies and Fetishes

couple talking about sex

How do I talk about my kink or fetish with my lover, spouse, or partner?

We see this question a lot in the hypnosis fetish community. And I suspect it gets asked a lot in other fetish groups too. People who think their sexual interests are unusual are often afraid of sharing that interest with a lover. They fear being thought weird or perverted, and they fear that perception would lead to rejection and breaking up.

Even people with common sexual fantasies may fear sharing when they don’t know how their lover will respond. Newcomers to the online erotic hypnosis community often ask how they can introduce their boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse to their kink without making it sound too weird. And the community has offered some suggestions.

The most common recommendation is to share a book, a movie, or a TV show that inspires your fantasies. Well written stories have a special ability to engage our imaginations and our emotions. Yet because the action happens to someone else (usually an imaginary character) the story can also provide a distance that protects us from taking the action too personally.

You can talk about the characters, what they did, what they enjoyed, how you felt watching them, and even how you would change the scene if you were directing the show. The impersonal focus of the conversation (imaginary characters) will allow you to easily steer the conversations into aspects of the scene that would be more awkward if you were talking about yourself and your lover directly. Once you understand how your lover perceives the activity generally, you have a fair idea of how they would respond to the suggestion of sharing it with you.

Cover of Avengers 111 - Magneto controlling the Scarlet Witch

The erotic hypnosis community has an advantage here. Mind control is one of the most prevalent themes in popular fiction. Hundreds of books, movies and TV programs showed us pretty girls getting hypnotized including Batman, Gilligan’s Island, Get Smart, Lost in Space, Hart to Hart, Charlies Angels, Superfriends, Scooby Doo and Underdog. Mind control was also prevalent in comic books like The Avengers, Daredevil, Superman, and Wonder Woman.

Our community has often shared conversations about how watching these shows as kids (directly or indirectly) led to our sexual fantasies about hypnotizing others or being hypnotized ourselves. And I know of at least one person who, after following this discussion, went to his girlfriend and opened a conversation with “Honey, I found this discussion forum where people were talking about how watching Saturday morning cartoons led to their hypnosis fetish”. He reported that she broke out laughing and that led to a relaxed and enjoyable conversation. It even helped her open up and share her sexual interests with him.

People with other kinks/fetishes might not have the same abundance of literature. But these days it’s pretty easy to find erotic stories about nearly any kink or fetish. I’ve seen books and websites dedicated to spanking stories, bimbo transformation stories, consensual slavery stories, furry fetish stories, outdoor sex, tentacle sex, intricate rope bondage, machine rape, and dozens of other sexual kinks.

If you can’t find a story that represents your favorite fantasy, write one. That’s what I did. After participating in online discussions, reading stories and developing my own erotic hypnosis recordings, I found that nothing available truly illustrated my perception of the hypnosis fetish. So I wrote my own story — which later evolved into two full-length novels, Redemption for the Hypnotist and the sequel, The Pygmalion Hypnotist.

Writing is one of the most satisfying creative activities I know. It’s a way to develop your ideas, add or change details, and explore how these changes influence the appeal of the idea. In the case of an erotic story, you can explore how certain details can make it even more erotic. In writing my first novel, I wanted to explore what could happen if an erotic hypnotist met a woman who shared his hypnosis fetish and became his creative muse. I showed how her support helped him grow as a person and an artist, and I showed the couple growing closer together as they explored their mutual interest.

In writing your story, you could explore how someone might develop and share your sexual kink. Then you could explore how sharing that kink changes the couple’s relationship for the better. You can even ask your lover to help you develop one of the characters, or to critique the story once it’s written, which would be another great (non-threatening) way to ask your lover what she thinks of the fantasy.

If you’re looking to introduce your lover to the hypnosis fetish, share one of my short stories or one of my novels with your lover.

Further Reading: